international man of misery

Okay, not misery; I have just always wanted to make that pun.

My final leg of the flight is just about done; I have been traveling for 25 hours but thanks to the magic of time zones it is two days later.

Here are some things I've learned about international travel:

Airline food is far, far better than 1990's stand up comedians would have you believe.  Somewhere along the road it made the titanic leap from "inedible" to "acceptable".  Bread products are still generally stale though--don't even bother unwrapping the muffin.

Dress comfortably.  I see people traveling in three-piece suits all the time.  I wouldn't do it unless I had no choice--if you're going to be in an airplane for a few hours, sweats or even pajamas are the way to go.  I also recommend sandals so it's easier to get through security. 

In airports, English is king. Almost everyone speaks English. The only exceptions are men with mustaches but no beards--these guys are not gonna help much.  If you speak slowly and aren't reading this article through a translator then you'll probably be fine as long as you don't venture too far outside the urban areas.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't bother with the local language.  Bad local language beats "I don't give a shit" any time.  Ultimately it's all about respect; and nothing says "I respect your culture" like learning some language basics.  Do some research and your trip will be a lot more rewarding.  The most important thing you can learn to say, though, is "I'm sorry".  People are, by and large, very forgiving of rudeness when it comes from good intentions.  Come to think of it, that's just good old fashioned life lessons.

If someone is trying to get in your face to sell you something, the answer is always a polite no.  Taxi drivers are notorious for this; the less developed a country, the more pushy the taxi drivers are and the more they will try to overcharge you.  I expect that if you visit a truly undeveloped country they probably force you to get into a vehicle at gunpoint, and only release you if you give them all your money.  Come to think of it, that's probably just good old fashioned kidnapping.